Medical Alert


THE U.S. CENTER FOR DISEASE CONTROL has issued a warning about a
new, highly virulent strain of sexually transmitted disease that has been
detected in Brazil. This disease is contracted through dangerous and
high risk behavior.
 
The disease is called Gonorrhea Lectim (pronounced "gonna re-elect him").
Many victims have contracted it after
having been screwed for the past 4 years, in spite of having taken
measures to protect themselves
from this especially troublesome disease.
Cognitive sequellae of individuals
infected with Gonorrhea Lectim include, but are not limited to,
anti-social personality disorder traits; delusions of grandeur with a
distinct messianic flavor; chronic mangling
of all civilized
languages; extreme cognitive dissonance; inability to incorporate new
information, pronounced xenophobia and homophobia; inability to accept
responsibility for actions; exceptional cowardice masked by acts of
misplaced bravado; uncontrolled facial smirking; total ignorance of
geography and history; tendencies toward creating evangelical
theocracies and a strong propensity for categorical, all-or-nothing behavior.
The disease is sweeping Brazil. Naturalists and epidemiologists
are amazed and baffled that this malignant disease originated only a few
years ago in a small town in the northeastern state of Pernambuco, and has
developed
strength in the suburbs of São Paulo. Beware of Gonorrhea Lectim, and
take all precautions possible, in order not to be infected.
The apex of this epidemic is expected to happen by October 2006,
but its results and consequences will last for four more years.
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